$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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