I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
