it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
