just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
