Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
