walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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