But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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