Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
