I wish my penis had an off switch
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
