Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so let's talk penis.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
