I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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