Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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