I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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