She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
