Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
