I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
