He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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