My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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