god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
