I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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