I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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