god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
