Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
time to smoke my breakfast
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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