so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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