i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
