my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
