you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
