the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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