I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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