First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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