I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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