This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
