worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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