just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
