This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
