Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
