My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
