I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
