Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think i got beer on your cat.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
