apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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