You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
