If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
