im drinking this country out of the recession.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i used baking grease as lip gloss
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
