i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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