we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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