she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
