I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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