I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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