So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
