i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
