OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
