So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
