Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
