Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
