don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
