i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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